Dissociative Identity Disorder - no more

Dissociation is a term in psychology describing a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional reality.

A year earlier, generally only the personality/host whoever was outside could see and hear what was happening outside.  As a result there was considerable dissociation.

We as a group of personalities and our host body have been living in constant harmony for over a year now.  Over this period of time, our ability to see the outside world has improved dramatically.  Further, we are also able to hear what is going on outside.   Therefore there is almost NO DISSOCIATION now.

Each of us has our own Identity and we have demarcated among ourselves our roles and responsibilities.  There is a greater sense of fulfillment which we as personalities lacked earlier.

Due to the dissociation and consequent loss of memory, we used to face considerable problems earlier, especially when a few naughty personalities went outside.   This is no longer the case and even when this happens, as a group we are able to control them.  There is no longer any DISORDER.

The provocation for posting this is a post in a website -

 "One of the traits/effects of DID is that the affected person tends to have gaps in time for which they cannot account."

Further a plea -

 "To whomever it is stealing time, just talk to us; let us know what is going on. We want to share our life with you, not keep you locked away from being out. We want to live in harmony with you. So help us help you."

The problem which the blogger could be facing - a traumatized personality creating another personality inside.  This happens when the personality is a child and is not able to cope with a situation where it is effectively being told, we are going to FUSE you, make you GO AWAY, we DO NOT WANT YOU.  

On the contrary if the personality is given his/her own space and identity they are more likely to settle down and allow the host to lead a stable life.  We are all creations of our host body and though we would like to have a life of our own, we know that it is not possible.  Our aim therefore, given a chance would be to have a distinct identity and turn what is called a disorder into a force multiplier - where the host benefits from multiple identities working within.  Sort of like a multiple core processor with true multitasking!

Personalities inside Personalities

The last has been really interesting. I have been a bit lazy and have not updated this blog.

Discovered new personalities. All told their ages span from 4 years to 60+ years. Understand that there is an ongoing study in the UK which is trying to determine if personalities have fixed life spans. Any comments? In my opinion as long as the personalities are happy and have a purpose, they will continue to exist.

When I was young, I remember my mother showing me a box, which had a smaller box inside, which had a smaller box inside, which had a smaller box inside.... I just discovered that all my baby personalities have at least one personality inside them. The baby personalities were all created when I was quite young. The personalities inside them (shall call them PIPs) were created almost simultaneously. They all uniformly say that the cause for creations was to take care of the babies. Are there personalities inside them? Do not think so, but who knows. One of the babies had two personalities inside her, one escaped recently to become an independent personality. Kept shouting for an entire week, I escaped Ma, I escaped Ma.

The advantage in being a personality is that it is similar to being shut in a prison with occasional visits to the yard. While it is dark inside, you can see, hear, smell, taste etc. Over a period of time, with practice and effort you can communicate with the host through thought & speech and you can similarly communicate with the other personalities. The PIPs though can experience all this only when the personalities in whom they reside come out. This is a luxury they all enjoy. Occasionally when the resident personality is out, they jump out pushing their host-personality inside and take a peep at the outside world. They are generally photo-sensitive and have limited likes and dislikes. Their primary purpose seems to be protect their host-baby-personalities.

I plan to post regularly from now on. Next fortnight, the youngest personality (has been 4 years old for the last 20 odd years) will share her thoughts. She lisps a bit and walks like a child. Has a 120+ IQ and speaks 4 languages. Shall keep the personal details to a minimum. If there are comments /queries which you would not like to post in the blog, feel free to email me (check the profile for my email address).

Controlling the host body

This weekend shall discuss one of several interesting concepts

: Controlling the host through thoughts
: Communication through thoughts / speech
: Disconnecting communication channels
: Fusion - a state of shock
: How to control malevolent personalities
: Do personalities need a team leader

If you would like me to address any one of these concepts first, please do ping me.

Personalities in a personality

We are now 25 + 3. 25 of us are the main personalities inside.

In addition there are personalities-in-personalities. Needless to say all these three are inside the baby personalities and have been with them from the time they were created. They are all tough and their primary task is to come out when the babies feel threatened.

Like all of us they were photo sensitive when they first came out. Though they are inside baby personalities, they are all adults and seem well aware of who they are. Of course when they come out, our host body suffers from headaches.

We are a well knit team - babies, girl gang, boys and other adults. We speak 12 languages all put together. It is a problem though when we decide to watch TV.

Shall post more regularly from now on. I see that the psychiatric community is not too knowledgeable when it comes to dealing with us. For instance they talk about integration and fusion of personalities. That is a whole pile of b/s.

Imagine you have been traumatized. Then you are imprisoned in a dark room. You have a small smoked glass window through which you can see the world but cannot come out. Each time you do people misunderstand your presence, laugh at or worse still shout at you. You cannot have your own friends (outside), go to school if you are a child or take your own decisions. Then some smart ass doctor decides that he needs to help the host body by getting rid of you. He drives you into a state of shock in which you cannot speak or even articulate your thoughts to your host body or fellow personalities. That is fusion my friends. In the real world outside this would be called torture.

More later.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

"Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"

I do not know the answer to that but can confirm that we personalities do dream. In fact we can follow the dream which our host body / other personalities have. Sort of being blind but still watching a movie. If it gets a bit scary we can always influence the script by putting a couple of well intentioned thoughts in our host body's brain.

The dreams spring from the memory which we all share. Each of us dreams in a language we are comfortable with. Two of my pals inside who suffer from speach related problems also dream.

Our host body often forgets the dream. However, we are able to recall it fully. Are we able to tap that portion of the memory which stores the dream temporarily?

25 & growing

A couple of quick comments. There are now 25 of us inside and it is getting a bit crowded. Ages 4 to 66. A lot of chatter. Plenty of queries, mostly personal which will not be answered. Instead will post our views on our personality world and answer doubts which are specific to us.

Personalities by and large share a common memory. However, our individual memory basically commences from the time we were created. Like in Rashomon each of us has a different perspective of events. Some studies suggest that we are present in the hippocampus. An interesting way of explaining our presence would be like ...... a Horcrux. In our case, it is not our soul which is framgmented but our memory and possibly our host's consciousness. Is this a way of coping with trauma ? Multiple and alternate paths wired to deal with such situations?

Your views ....

Then there were nine (including one with Asperger's)

A few more and we can form a football team !

• Lisa - Extrovert. Loves fashion and music.
• Simon - Mature. Teaches the other personalities.
• Baby Elsa - Darling. Keeps it lively.
• Beth - Religious. Conducts meditation classes.
• Baby Anita - Elsa's twin. Stickler for hygiene.
• Anna - Intelligent. Unable to speak.
• Vika - Expressive. Teaches folk tales to Elsa and Anita.
• Vini - Friendly. Loves to sing.
• Yet to be named - An asperger's personality.

We are all busy keeping the newest member of our team occupied. She is extremely hyperactive and demands 24/7 attention.

My daughter who has been elected as the honorary president of the personality's club conducts meetings every Saturday. Each personality gets 2 minutes to speak and express their views. We review their progress, assign internal responsibilities and distribute prizes to each one of the personalities.

Found this article on Multiple Personality very informative.

More later.

Questions regarding DID, my opinion

I often get mails regarding my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Posting one of my replies below............

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Dear ........,

Most of the websites do not really offer too much meaningful information about DID. The doctors fall into two categories, one group diagnoses patients with various personality disorders (these are more likely to be the traits of the multiple personalities, in my opinion) and the other treats the identities as enemies which need to be fused.

I do not know if the approach I have taken is right (my doctor does not know and would not approve if she knew). However, the first step is getting to converse to the personalities (one or more of them may be able to talk to you) either by putting a thought in your head or closing the eyes and speaking to them. Having established this contact, you may then find the reason for them having been created and if the trauma which created them no longer exists, you may tell them so. You may also tell them that you are a friend not a rival or an enemy. In my experience the personalities then lose any violent / aggressive / negative traits which they have, these ocassionally these might manifest again.

If you have a friend / relative you can depend upon, you might also try recording a small message on the computer for the personalities and then get their replies recorded as well. This should serve as an effective means of communication.

My experience tells me that the personalities are part of me; fusing them would mean losing a part of my life / brain / memories. It is better to live with the bad memories (after getting over the trauma) than purging them.

The doctors do not experience what we do, so they invariably term our situation as delusions / hallucinations. Our personalities' moods are often misclassified as bipolar or schizod.

Can personalities have twins ? Shall write about this in my next post !

An introduction to my Dissociative Identity Disorder

Let me introduce myself (or is it the two of us?) and the topics we shall write about.

I am Marissa and my alter is Lisa. We keep switching unconsciously all the time; resulting in gaps in memory. As if having Dissociative Identity Disorder, were not sufficient, I also have Bipolar Disorder and a Borderline (cum Histrionic) Personality. Any positive coorelation?

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) :

A disorder characterized by two or more identities or personalities that alternatively take over the person's behavior.

When neither of us can post, we shall take the help of my husband (Jonathan) who has been our source of strength. Next post after visiting the dockey (mean the doctor).

Marissa